There is no other way to express how I feel right now.

I am really really really upset. Period.

Another revelation

"You need to love yourself for someone else to love you for who you are."

It is getting better...

and I do believe that is true. In the last 3 days, I have received nothing but good news. They are as follows:-

1. Monday - I received a letter from the Immigration Checkpoint Authority informing that my Singaporean PR application has been successful. Yippee!

2. Tuesday - I got promoted! I was surprised by that, given that I have only been with the company for about 9 months. Well done, Zan Li!

3. Wednesday - I received an email from one of the companies that I applied to for a job, indicating their interest. Hmmmm....what to make of that?

In the meantime, I am just sitting in my favourite chair, waiting for more good news to come my way so that I can list it below no.3.

This is all beyond me.

:))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm right here..waiting for you...

Taylor Swift - LOVE STORY

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'"

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'"

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"

Oh, oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you...

I have faith that we will one day meet and connect on all levels. For now, I am savouring every sweet moment that life proffers me.

Quid Pro Quo...maybe?

Do you honestly believe that we are born to give others without asking for anything in return? That we possess charitable hearts and are abound with sincere generosity? Most people would say that we benefit others so that we can benefit ourselves - that we are in it for the money, success and recognition. Yes, that may be true but we can only help others if we can help ourselves. Therefore, by offering our services to others, we will gain both material wealth and long-lasting joy. This kind of happiness is beyond description. There are no befitting words for this experience. Although it may appear that we are helping others for our own benefit, but if it brings us self-gratification as well, why not? Don't let others judge us for what we do. The only judge we have to face is ourselves. Ask yourself first: "Will this give rise to a positive outcome or cause a detriment to you and the other party?" So what if we exploit the other person? Well then, until the day we regret taking advantage of the poor souls, that relentless guilty feeling will keep following us, even till the day we pass on.   

Moving forward.

I take my previous entry back. My life is perfect as it is. No attachment. Free from heartache. Feels nice to be able to breathe in the blissful air and savour that moment of utter freedom - freedom from emotional attachment. I only need to please one person and that is myself. It's just me-time, for now.

You best believe, best believe I'm yours.

"...I won't hesitate no more, no more,

It cannot wait, I'm yours."

If he only knew how I feel about him right now and actually reciprocate. Then life would be like the perfect picture hanging on the bare whitewashed wall in my room.

Happy 2009!

Better late than never, I always say.

I know I am almost a month late in wishing you avid readers (if there are any of you out there) a happy new year but my schedule has been pretty tight: with all the work, partying, recovering from all those nights of endless partying and travelling from one destination to the next. As you can see, NOW is all the time I have to tend to my beloved, esp since I am in the midst of recuperating from this dreadful, AWFUL flu-cum-stomach bug - it is virulent, I tell ya. Even my poor mother and grandmother both caught it thereafter.

How has your weekend been? My last 3 weekends, including this one, have been very much sedate. It has gone to the other extreme! I feel like there's something missing in my life. Like a part of me has vanished off the face of the earth. Does this mean that I have become a party animal???!! Oh noooo...!!!!! I am such a late bloomer. Most of my friends started partying from the rightful age of 18 (some even younger) whereas I was....what on earth was I doing at that time? I can't even recall much of that time now. How sad. Anyhoo, that is all in the past now and I must count my blessings and focus on creating a better future for myself and others around me. I know I have gone off on a tangent but what the heck...

So what is my new year's resolution? I have written down a list. Where's your list? Hmmm.... 

My Goals

1. Survive a year of tax, at least.

2. Save up for my Euro trip.

3. Become a happier person.

4. Instill positivity in my life.

5. Have a healthier and well-balanced lifestyle.

6. Polish up my English and learn Mandarin.

7. Get in touch with my spiritual-self.

8. Shed 3 kilos!!! And tone up!

9. Meet more people and be amiable with them.

10. Read more good, worthy books.

11. Be more focused!

12. Stay strong, always.

I hope I am able to fulfill at least half of my goals by the middle of next year. Let's see how it goes, yea? Support me!!

Welcome to the real world!

Yes..yes..I have finally landed myself a job at KPMG! Whoopeeeeeeee!!! 

I'm entering into the second week of work and already the work pile is progressively rising, file by file.

I think I'm gonna be swamped with work sooner than I expected. Yikes!

There is so much to learn and yet, too little time to digest everything at one go. 

"Just breathe. Take one step at a time."

Like the way Jordin Sparks sings it ey?

"There's no need to rush..It's like learning to flyyyy....la la dee laaaa..."

Toodles, my friends!

xoxo

Signorina Q (inspired by gossip girl..keke)

What's important to me right now?

I haven't got the slightest clue.

Am I screwed or what?

I need direction...can you please be that kind person so as to direct me to the right path?

Some things you just can't forget

Sometimes by Britney Spears

I want it that way by Backstreet Boys

I do by 98 Degrees

Flying without wings by Westlife

Nottinghill, She's All That, Never Been Kissed, 10 Things I Hate About You....

All these things will always remind me of you..of us when we were one..

There were many other songs that helped create an emotional connection to you but these are the few that stick so strongly, like super glue. 

Don't worry, I have let you go...but somehow I am still holding onto those memories and anything that can associate me with you...

I am not expecting or hoping for a second chance but somebody asked me a question and it got me thinking...

"If I had to choose between my close girlfriend or you to meet up, I would outrightly say my close girlfriend" - but I would only be lying to myself because my heart says otherwise.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind back to that year..to those months...and change what happened between us and treated you better...but what's the point right?

At least something good came out of us - even though we didn't fit together as a couple - and I am glad that we're closer now than ever.

*winks* 

Never say "Never".

Don't you agree with this phrase? Never say, "Never". I'm sure you have heard tons of people who say, "I will never do this" or "I will never be like that person" or "I will never be caught dead wearing that". All of this sound awfully familiar? I feel that when you incorporate "never" in an important statement that you're about to proclaim to the rest of the world, at the end of the day, you always tend to eat up your own words. In turn, the word "never" kinda has the effect of jinxing yourself. 

I have often heard many people said that they would never do/don that and it sounded like they were gonna uphold the promises they made to themselves forever. Yea, maybe they did keep those promises for a month or two, or for a year. They were weakened by some special force that was far more powerful than their own willpower. And thus, they succumbed to that formidable force and became what they initially vowed never to become, or wore what they previously thought was gaudy and inappropriate in their eyes.

Unfortunately, I have to concede that I am one of those people who have let their arrogance to cause their own downfalls. I have learnt that one has to be very cautious about using the right words when intending to make a point or to convey a message across - you wouldn't want the other party to misconstrue your words now do you? Only then people won't misjudge you or have the impression of you as being a liar. As long as we think before we say aloud our thoughts and are aware of the consequences, we should have no qualms about saying "never" to things that are harmful to us. However, don't use "never" frivolously.   

Learning to Relish Life

Certain experiences or events happen for a reason. In life, there is bound to be ups and downs, highs and lows. Only then we can improve ourselves, to become better characters which the world is lacking at the moment. Only then we can appreciate what is in front of us or be able to distinguish right from wrong, good from bad. We all have different lessons that we must learn from life itself. If we treat life as our teacher, then I suppose we won't be so disgruntled and resentful towards life. Instead, we start to look forward to tomorrow or to the next hour, with delight. Why hate when you can love? Why be selfish when you can find joy in being selfless? Why be angry and impatient when you know very well that anger only leads to more anger and eventually violence? Why be depressed and distressed when you can be happy and unfettered? Just let all the negativities that have been bottling up inside to dissolve and set yourself free. You just won't know what life has in store for you if you incarcerate yourself in the four-walled room, brooding in the corner and detesting LIFE.   

:((

I am having such a bad day. I thought it was over but how wrong was I. I need a break. From everything. I am going away. I don't give a damn what that person thinks! I am still going!!!

It is time to be selfless...

The world is in turmoil. Recently, calamities seem to be making headlines worldwide and in all forms of media. Natural disaster after natural disaster - they just keep rolling in as if there were no tomorrow.  

Sometimes, I find it depressing reading the news about harrowing events, especially when thousands of lives are concerned. One can't help but wonder: what's the point of reading all this, other than being up-to-date about the world's affairs, if you can't lend a helping hand? On the one hand, I wish I could be there to offer my services or skills that the aid organisations so desperately need. On the other, I feel I am not ready to take on a task of such a magnitude. It is a huge responsibility to be a volunteer and a helper. There should be more people like Mother Teresa. She is such an inspiration to us all. But I am sure there are those who emulate her devotion and care for people, or at least they try. 

China seems to be getting the brunt of things this year. If it is not the protests by people who strongly support the Tibetan cause, it is Mother Nature intervening, giving China a harder time by throwing in an earthquake that has claimed 18000 lives now. The Burmese junta is also in the same predicament as China. First, the brutal crackdown in September of 2007, which wasn't handled properly, and just less than 2 weeks ago, the Cyclone Nargis struck the already-impoverished country, leaving a million people homeless and famished. In the wake of all these natural disasters that have been happening, my heart goes out to all those who died and to those who survived but lost their loved ones to the wrath of Mother Nature.  

I just hope all that has been obliterated be built again as soon as possible so that the survivors can move past the trauma and continue living again.

Feeling 14 all over again

You do everything I wish I did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know I should tell you how I feel
I wish everyone would disappear
Everytime you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say,

Ooh, I got a crush on you (crush on you)
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you, a crush on you...

Daydreaming harmless?

Anticipation is what gives us the thrill that we crave for. In anticipation of an event, we conjure scenarios that we wish for in our heads. This is called fantasizing. It is fine to daydream, to build castles in the air, but it can't be a routine, unless your dreams have the potential to become a reality. 

It is hard not to fantasize about the things you want but don't have and about a person you really like but who doesn't reciprocate. Having said that, if one fantasizes about a certain object or subject 24-7, this fantasy can turn into an obsession and it can lead one to dangerous grounds. Anyone has the capability to go mental if the person allows the mind to wander off away from the real world. The person wouldn't be able to distinguish between what is true and what is false. Majority of us do not realise how powerful the mind is. If we do not strengthen it, just like the body, it becomes weak and vulnerable to all kinds of psychological illnesses.

There is a limit to everything. As I mentioned earlier, it is ok to dream about being in a world where everything happens in accordance with your wishes. However, do not let your daydreaming go overboard and turn it into an act of hallucination.

A reminder to all

There comes a point in time where one realises that there are people who matter and there are those who don't or never did. Don't worry about those from the past because there is a reason why they didn't make it to the present.  

I couldn't agree more.

How can I

look forward to the future if I continue to hold onto the past? Especially when my recollection of the past consists of unhappy memories. Why can't I remember the good times instead? Because there weren't many to begin with. Those unwarranted experiences were fuelled by anger, selfishness, ignorance and also laziness. But at the end of the day, it all boils down to the "I". "I" wanting to put the blame on the other and not on myself for my misdemeanour because "I" am PERFECT; "I" having high expectations and expecting my wishes to be fulfilled because "I" am so GREAT; "I" not bothering to help appease the madness because "I" am just too indolent; and "I" getting impatient and irritated for plans that didn't happen because "I" just can. Now I realise that I am NOT that PERFECT; NOT that GREAT; and I can be QUITE LAZY and IMPATIENT and IRRITABLE. After all, I am only human and we were not born as flawless creatures - but really we were brought into this world equipped with our own special talents and unique shortcomings. Why? To make the best with what we are endowed with and to continuously improve ourselves until we achieve our own version of perfection. At least, I know my weaknesses and I willingly admit them with dignified humility - a little bit of that quality comes a long way. The important thing is that I take away something valuable - a lesson or a few - from the past and use it to my best advantage. I have learnt something. Have you?

I am really looking forward to MY future.

For me, life has just begun.